I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
