Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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