she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
zippers are such a cool invention
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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