She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
