grandma shit on top of the toilet
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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