I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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