Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
