chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
