Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
