Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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