I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
