I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
