We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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