found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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