it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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