That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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