Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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