Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
