Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
