put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
