I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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