he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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