I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
