As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
