Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So many bounce houses so little time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
