i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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