tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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