is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
