Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
