I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
