GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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