Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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