OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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