She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
