Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  After last night, I could never be a politician.

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  (248): After last night, I could never be a politician. http://tfl.nu/69mb
  Replies (11) Good night (1284) Bad night (496)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

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  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7543) Bad night (755)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand

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  (848): Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand http://tfl.nu/3des
  Replies (17) Good night (1113) Bad night (5362)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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  (517): i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend http://tfl.nu/by4o
  Replies (7) Good night (5939) Bad night (1662)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"

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  (586): Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate" http://tfl.nu/hjnw
  Replies (6) Good night (1088) Bad night (3560)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.

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  (570): He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help. http://tfl.nu/6hrq
  Replies (10) Good night (1133) Bad night (3623)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.

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  (913): Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend. http://tfl.nu/iume
  Replies (5) Good night (918) Bad night (2244)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.

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  (618): I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door. http://tfl.nu/79gl
  Replies (17) Good night (2795) Bad night (703)
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  (310): View more from California

  You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.

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  (310): You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag. http://tfl.nu/d3da
  Replies (8) Good night (1296) Bad night (634)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge

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  (404): I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge http://tfl.nu/wfh9
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (301)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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  (705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha
  Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (1030)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.

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  (678): Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to. (404): We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit. http://tfl.nu/4kzw
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's true love, there.

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  (701): Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.' (701): That's true love, there. http://tfl.nu/22yh
  Replies (0) Good night (865) Bad night (524)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.

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  (573): Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car. http://tfl.nu/jvos
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us

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  (516): I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us http://tfl.nu/ed1l
  Replies (0) Good night (251) Bad night (544)

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