In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.