Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself