Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.

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  (617): Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston. http://tfl.nu/p3k5
  Replies (56) Good night (3907) Bad night (589)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

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  (609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk
  Replies (27) Good night (6138) Bad night (1063)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

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  (609): His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me. http://tfl.nu/x400
  Replies (36) Good night (1207) Bad night (8516)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.

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  (805): I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now. http://tfl.nu/p09l
  Replies (6) Good night (4338) Bad night (1369)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea

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  (206): riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea http://tfl.nu/w3tl
  Replies (4) Good night (1615) Bad night (1415)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.

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  (360): He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish. http://tfl.nu/ae8m
  Replies (11) Good night (3130) Bad night (742)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

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  (732): I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'? http://tfl.nu/6mt1
  Replies (2) Good night (2662) Bad night (1007)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea

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  (505): I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea http://tfl.nu/734q
  Replies (7) Good night (2093) Bad night (892)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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  (334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5
  Replies (9) Good night (2365) Bad night (791)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.

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  (440): i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it. http://tfl.nu/zxnq
  Replies (2) Good night (1494) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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  (941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships. http://tfl.nu/x14j
  Replies (5) Good night (2868) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito

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  (702): I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito http://tfl.nu/vmgk
  Replies (4) Good night (1761) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams

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  (440): Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams http://tfl.nu/en8l
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (655)
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  (477): View more from

  YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!

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  (477): YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?! http://tfl.nu/xl4i
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.

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  (808): In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it. http://tfl.nu/3ucc
  Replies (4) Good night (159) Bad night (193)

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