Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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