Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i cant lie to you.

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  (336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro
  Replies (56) Good night (923) Bad night (3081)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.

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  (865): You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce. http://tfl.nu/u88l
  Replies (15) Good night (5769) Bad night (662)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

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  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (10374) Bad night (1082)
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  (716): View more from New York

  its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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  (716): its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose http://tfl.nu/vf99
  Replies (8) Good night (4556) Bad night (970)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

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  (716): Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day. http://tfl.nu/hsum
  Replies (4) Good night (1259) Bad night (621)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.

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  (740): do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment. http://tfl.nu/04bg
  Replies (12) Good night (2437) Bad night (1270)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.

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  (615): I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/vysn
  Replies (3) Good night (563) Bad night (1007)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

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  (610): Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits? http://tfl.nu/td8v
  Replies (15) Good night (2173) Bad night (573)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.

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  (508): It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience. http://tfl.nu/aded
  Replies (3) Good night (1304) Bad night (429)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.

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  (612): I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist. http://tfl.nu/coy1
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (383)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me

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  (607): Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me http://tfl.nu/qp3z
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (401)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?

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  (850): I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...? http://tfl.nu/1yog
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (377)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich

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  (201): And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich http://tfl.nu/6ewp
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (312)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out

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  (540): He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out http://tfl.nu/wv7u
  Replies (1) Good night (536) Bad night (252)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.

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  (303): I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags. http://tfl.nu/ob1k
  Replies (1) Good night (158) Bad night (300)

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