eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?