How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.