3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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