I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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