How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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