shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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