Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
