...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
