Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
