we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
