my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
