I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
