he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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