i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
