Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
