what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
