what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
