my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
COCAINE IS GR8
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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