My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
