i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
