I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
