she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
