hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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