Hey man sorry I got all grabby
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
