um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
