if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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