Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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